mommy blogging

“Excuse me, do you like to write?”

It all happened unexpectedly.  And even when I look back at it now, years later, I continue to think – did that really happen?

It was an ordinary Fall day in November 2015 and I was minding my own business at Jo-Ann Fabrics, waiting for my fabric to be cut just like the other 10 people in front and behind me.  As I was walking through the aisle, I locked eyes with a stranger.  She seemed like an ordinary woman in her 30s.  Petite, with a cute baby bump and in the usual mommy uniform (yoga pants and a t-shirt).  I didn’t think anything of it and as I continued to walk around the fabric area, that stranger approached me and with a warm smile on her face said, “excuse me, do you like to write?”

The truth is, yes.  I always have.  I remember writing about everything and anything in middle school which led me to write for my high school’s newspaper.  I enjoyed it so much that I actually decided to emphasize in Print Journalism in college and continued writing as a reporter for my campus newspaper and later became an editor. Unfortunately, at that time, writing became more of a chore then an outlet for my creativity.  I started dreading writing and life also began getting in the way.

I looked at her with a smile of confusion and said, “Yea, I guess.  Why?”  The words that came out of her month next, literally stopped me dead in my tracks.  She casually said to me, “Oh because God is telling me you should be writing.”

Yup, you read that correctly.  She said “God is telling me you should be writing.”  Now, I consider myself to be spiritual rather then religions and I do believe in God and his influence in our daily lives, but God speaking to a stranger about me was the last thing I expected to hear.  Honestly, all I was looking to hear was my fabric number to be called in order to end the agonizingly long wait.

She must of sense that I couldn’t find the words because she continued to say, “Maybe, a blog or a book or something about you, your life or maybe your style.”  I finally got my bearings and muttered, “I’m sorry.  Where are you getting things?”  And very nonchalantly she said, “Oh, sometimes God speaks to me and he’s telling me that you should be writing.  Like I said, maybe a blog about you and your style.  Actually more about your life-”  She stopped abruptly at that sentence, as if she was being fed information right in front of me and with a slight head nod said, “You’ve been through a a lot in the last few years, haven’t you?  The things that you have gone through are very close to your heart and they are very delicate.  It really is a delicate situation, but you should share your story.  I know you hold it really close to your heart, but share your story – you don’t know who you might be able to help.  You really should be writing.”

As you continue to read this blog in the future, you will realize that yes, in fact, I have been through a lot the last few years.  My ex-husband of 4 years began suffering from PTSD and had a complete personality shift which led to the end of our marriage in a very dramatic way (which you will read about in future posts) while I was raising our 6 month old son.  So as you can imagine, her telling me that I have been through a lot of delicate things these past few years touched me in a way that I will never forget.  But more specifically, what impacted and shocked me was the fact that writing about my life experiences is something that I have contemplated since this all began.  In fact, I’ve discussed the possibility of it with my best friend several times.  Unfortunately, I just haven’t found the inner courage to put myself out there – until now that is.

As she once again told me “You really should be writing” her fabric number was called and she said “oh that’s me.”  I’m pretty sure I opened my mouth but no words came out.  She smiled at me again, softly touched my wrists and said “It’s going to be OK.  It really is.”  I finally managed to say “thank you” and that was that.  She walked away.

Weeks went by, months, and now over a year – that “itch” to write has gotten bigger and bigger and bigger.  All I keep thinking about is writing, yet I haven’t managed to type one word.  But now, things are changing within me – I can feel it.  In fact, I feel something big is just around the corner and I’m not sure if writing will lead to that “big” thing, but it’s time to take the risk, it’s time to tell my story.

In the upcoming posts, you’ll read about how the end of my marriage has shaped my current life, how a tiny little human I call my son saved my soul, how at 30something I am finding myself each and every day and how co-parenting with someone suffering from PTSD challenges our daily lives.  And despite of all the challenges and the life lesson’s I’ll post about, you’ll also find “every day things” such as being a working mom in corporate America, my love for do it yourself projects, my passion for seeking new goals to reach, books I enjoy, finger-licking-good recipes and other wonderfully ordinary things.

So make sure to follow Wayward Dash. I would love to take you on this unpredictable journey with me.  🙂

The Time is NOW

Over a year ago, I gave this blogging thing a try.  I blogged for about a month and a half and it was fine – but something was off about it.  The truth is, I’ve wanted to start a blog for a while.  I love to write and have loved it since I was in middle school.  I loved it so much that growing up, I would write short stories, I wrote and helped managed my high school newspaper and eventually went on to write and be an editor of my high school newspaper.  I’ve always kept a journal with my own thoughts and feelings but somewhere along the way, I stopped.

I think adulthood got in the way and then I began to feel insecure about my writing – “I’m not a strong enough writer.  I have nothing to say.  My feelings are too private to share.  Everyone is going to judge my writing and my thoughts.” The usual doubts and fears. But as I continued growing up and began to go through tough times (which you will learn all about in posts to come), I started finding my voice again and that need to write slowly began to intensify within me.

I wanted to share my story, I wanted to share my thoughts, and most importantly – i wanted to impact someone – someone who might have the same thoughts and feelings about a certain situation and might feel alone, much how I felt and sometimes continue to feel.

So when I started to blog a year ago, although I didn’t realize it at the time, looking back at it now, I found myself not connecting with my emotions and writing just for the sake of posting something. Although what I wrote was very real – there wasn’t any emotion behind it  – I wasn’t 100% behind it.  So naturally, I lost interest and it became a chore – a chore I didn’t want to do.  So I stopped.  I let it all go, with no intentions of coming back.

Time passed and in the last 6 months – writing has taken over my mind.  I find myself thinking about topics to discuss and how I would state certain things and picturing exactly what and how I would talk about things.  The thought of writing overcame me to the point that I couldn’t focus on anything else.  And now that I sit here typing, I know that THIS is my time.  The time is now!

The stars have aligned and I’m emotionally ready to share some of my stories.  Maybe not all – not at this time.  But I’ll know when I’m ready and in the meantime I’ll go through this journey with you all.  Together we will fine ourselves and we will find our voice and our purpose – because this is the time!

Me and This

Me, the writer:  

A Mom👩‍👦, Soul searcher 👀, Writer👩🏻‍💻, and Pioneer 🛤 who thrives on creativity and ☕️🍷👠🌯🍬🥑  (apparently I also have a thing for emojis)

Three years ago, everything was going as I expected them to.  I was married and had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.  Everything was going according to plan.  But all of a sudden, I found myself far away from all that I knew and loved, 3,000 miles away from home, divorced, unemployed, a new mom to a 6 month old and side swept by the curve ball life had thrown at me.

Looking back, the road was tough and continues to be, but I’m learning a lot.  I’m a work in progress that is trying to get back to who she was or maybe still figuring out who I’m meant to be.  But what I do know is that I want to share the unique circumstances I have gone through and continue to go through today, in hopes to make at least one person feel like they aren’t alone.

This, the blog:

Here, you’ll fine a little bit of everything.  You’ll find my experiences soul searching, being a mom to a 4 year old boy, maneuvering through life with a barely-there co-parent, getting back out into the dating world in my 30s, family and friends stories, things I enjoy such as cooking, decorating, DIY projects, etc.

Like I said – a little bit of everything because through my experiences, I’ve learned two things:  not one thing defines me and a wayward life will bring more joy then you can plan.