Mothers’ Day is in a few days and this year will be the 3rd Mothers’ Day I get to celebrate. The thing is, the last two haven’t been pleasant (for reasons I am about to share) and instead of enjoying the day, I’ve spent it in a state of darkness and pity on my current situation and how I ended up where I am. But this year, I’ve made a decision to make it different. This year, for me, Mothers’ Day will be a day that I’ve decided to turn into a day of appreciation and positive reflection.
Three years ago, on my FIRST Mothers’ Day, I found out that my then-husband was having an affair (I’ll let that sink in for a moment).
Without my knowledge or suspicion, my husband had met a woman during a work function and began a text-relationship for a month, which led to a physical relationship soon there after. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he fabricated an alternative reality with her. A world where he told her lies about me in order to make himself seem like a “good guy” in a “bad situation.” The list of lies consisted of: us never actually being married, I had a tendency to sleep with other men, our son was actually not his, I made his life miserable, etc – honestly, there’s a lot more to this list, but it’s not even worth rehashing anymore.
On Mothers’ Day 2014, my FIRST Mothers’ Day as a mom, my heart fell to the floor and ripped my soul on its way down. After screaming, crying, laughing, more crying and more screaming, I found myself as a single parent, a new mom, broke (since I was a stay-at-home mom at the time), with a husband who was suffering from PTSD (more to come on that in another post) and with the rug yanked from underneath me.
Things were hard. They sometimes still are. But now, enough time has past that I can honestly say I’m in a much better place and I’m actually better for the things that I have gone through. I’ve spent the last 3 years providing for my son and for myself and trying to better our lives. I’ve provided a stable home for my son, a great foundation of family and friends that we both love spending time with, I have been able to find some sort of life/work/mom balance that keeps me grounded, and I have been able to grow my career and financially support the life we are able to live.
Not only have I been able to provide for my son, but in these past 3 years I’ve realized how strong I truly am. I use my strength every day to get me through and I’ve realized that I am in more control of our lives than I think I am. Overcoming the hard situations these past 3 years, I’ve realized that I’m a strong and confident woman – I make things happen for us – and that’s a powerful feeling.
Knowing all the hardship that I have overcome and feeling that power and confidence because I’m on the “other side” of it now is what has led me to be a better mom, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better worker and overall, a better person.
So this Mothers’ Day I am making an effort to use the day to yes, remember what happened 3 years ago – but instead of remembering it with that normal feeling of sadness and anger, I will remember the day with appreciation. If that day didn’t happen (and everything that followed), I wouldn’t be where I am today – and today, I have a lot to be thankful for.